Snap-EZ Blog

This is also a good question.  We’ve tried to find ways to do this, and I have to admit that the last few months have made this nigh unto impossible, but I will tell you how we’ve tried to do this under normal circumstances.

One way is to make their birthday a special day.  They get to pick what’s for dinner, they used to get the day off from chores, but while I’ve been unable to do their chores for them, they get a “Saturday candy” for doing their chores instead (Saturday candy is a regular sized candy as a reward for doing all their chores all week and having them all done by 10 am on Saturday, including mopping/vacuuming the room they have).

We have tried to have great birthday parties, and in many cases the party is shared with one or two other =][/siblings who have birthday’s nearby.  We let them invite over ar8 children and we always have a treasure hunt with rhyming clues to lead them all over our property in search of the stash of party candy (if you’ve ever done the cloth diaper hunt on my sites, you’ll have experienced a taste of this, but without the screaming and running around).  We usually divide the kids into two teams, equally dividing the kids according to age and there are two clues at each location, one for each team.  After the treasure hunt we have a bunch of games like pin the tail, hanging donuts on a string and having them eat the donuts without touching them with their hands, some kind of tag, water balloon baseball was a hit this year, water balloon tosses, water pistol war, capture the flag, clothes pin drop and many more.  The winner get’s three candies, second place gets two, and everyone gets one candy for being a good sport!

We also try to bring one child with us when we run errands.  This may mean taking one big kid and one little kid, especially when I was pregnant as I neede the extra help with the shopping.  This one we haven’t been doing very well with this year, but I hope to re-instate it once things settle down with Esther.  I did take a different child with me each time I went to Seattle and we had a great time both times – I even got beat playing the alphabet game by each child!  I rarely lose, so they were both very excited that they beat mom!   Both times we also went to Dick’s Drive In in Seattle – this drive in has been there for over 50 years and is iconic for Seattle – cheap, wholes hamburgers, fresh cut french fries, hand dipped hard icecream shakes and cones – very limited menu, low prices, and cash only!  It’s just 3 blocks west of I5 on 45th st if you are ever in the area!

We also try to go camping at least once a  year.  Camping means less work, fewer distractions, lots of game playing, time around the fire – great memories that I wouldn’t trade for the world!

We also encourage the children in their God given talents – we don’t have them all take piano lessons, just the ones who show an interest in it.  So we have kids taking Karate, piano lessons, art lessons and in the past we’ve done violin lessons as well.  Each child can have one type of lesson if they want, but if they want to do more, they would have to finance it themselves as we are on a tight budget usually.  Daryl is also great at doing projects with the kids.  Today he’s buildling an insulated dog house with Jessica out of building materials left over from our new home.  Last week he was working on cars with Jason and Jonathan.  He’s made boomerangs, go carts from lawnmowers, recumbents bikes out of spare bike parts, and other fun projects!  He’s an inventor of sorts and is very creative.  It’s great for the kids and him!

I try to remind the children of things they’ve done in the past as well.  When the newest member of our family makes a milestone, like smiling or walking, I love to tell the kids when they did those thing…”Elizabeth, you walked when you were just 8 1/2 months” “Reuben, she learned to smile at the exact same age as you did – and she has the same dimple you had as a baby!”  I think this means a lot to the kids – knowing that I can remember things that they did at certain ages and such.

We also like to make Christmas as fun for each child as possible on a limited budget.  But that one is probably more family memories, than making each child feel special – but their identity is in a big way wrapped up in being a part of our family and doing things as a family that just wouldn’t be the same if we didn’t have everyone doing it together.  Being part of a big family is special too!  We all love to see jaws drop when we are asked questions about our family…”how many brothers and sisters do you have?”

So making your child feel special and loved is challenging whether you have a large or small family and it takes creativity and sensitivity – but mostly just being together is the best, as I’ve come to appreciate more than ever these last few months as I’ve been away from them all so much!

After each of my last few children, I’ve been asked this question!  When I think about this question, I believe they are asking if I’ve reached the family size I wanted.

My answer is always, I really don’t know!  I have no idea if God will bless us with another child.  At this point, I’m hoping and praying that we are finished with this phase of our life, but I really don’t know!  I do know that if it had been up to me, we would have been “done” several children ago!  But when I look at the children God has blessed us with since then, I can’t imagine life without them! Even Esther!

This question comes with a new dimension to it now that we have Esther.  It could almost be taken as “Now see what you’ve done – you’ve kept having kids until your are over 40 and gotten what you deserved!  Aren’t you done yet?  Haven’t you learned you lesson?”  Wow – that’s harsh isn’t it!  This is something I really want to talk about – Esther and God’s design for our family.   But that will be another post all by itself!

So, am I done?  Am I done trusting God?  Am I finished with believing that God knows what’s best for me and my family?  Do I have all the kids I wanted?  No!

Trusting God…that’s what it boils down to for me -am I willing to trust God to work in my life?  This is HUGE!  This isn’t just about birth control – it’s about everything for me.  Do I trust God to give me the strength for today?  Do I trust God to work everything for my good?  Can I trust God even when things don’t make sense and they hurt?  Yes, most definitely yes!  But am I able!  That’s the catch!  Trust doesn’t come easy, but everytime I get fearful, I remind myself to look back at the tough times in my life and see how God was working through those times to draw me to Him and develop things in me that could not possible be developed or learned through easy times!  Then I know that I can trust God to carry me through and that what is happening in my life has come because God deemed it to be best for me!

Have I reached the family size I wanted?  Not really – I wanted a large family – like 5 kids!  So actually we are way past that!  For me, it’s not what I want, but what God has planned for me!

Will I have more children?  I have no idea! My pregnancy with Esther was the most difficult yet, and her birth was downright scary.  I’m now facing the challenges of raising  child with special needs.  Will this change anything?  If I let it, it will – it will make me fearful, worried, and distrustful.  Am I going to let it?  No – I still trust God with my whole life!  Will I pray for more children?  No, I’m not…I’m leaving that in His hands.

Do I think I might be done?  Now that’s a good question – yes, we might not have anymore babies – I’m not getting any younger, and I had many signs that my childbearing years will be over soon.  But only time will tell.

All I know and all I can do right now is Trust in God.  For the big things and the little things.  I know I’m in good hands!

if you have to care for so many children?  This is a good question!

First of all, and most importantly, I can not possibly meet all my child’s needs, even if I had only one!  That’s God’s job!  If I could do that, my child wouldn’t need God!

Secondly, do our children “need” all the things that the typical American family deems necessary?  Does every child “need” to be involved in organized sports?  Music lessons?  Have their own bedroom?  “Quality Time” with parents?  Lots of toys/music/electronic devices?  New clothes?  A bath every night?  A hot breakfast every morning?

I see childrens’ needs as very basic – a roof over their heads, clothes, healthy food, and a loving home.  They need parents who are willing to take the time to answer questions, teach them to be responsible people, teach them about their world, and provide for their social needs.

Social needs….that’s a big one!  What are my child’s social needs?  My child needs to learn to function in society – this includes our family, friends, and our world.  Will my child learn politeness, compassion, patience and such by spending a majority of the day with other children?  Maybe, but most likely not.  Most children are just as in need of training in social graces as my child.  I believe that children will learn best if they are around those who model the characteristics I desire them to have!  In some cases, that is other children, but in most, it’s adults…their father and mother!  Does this have to be done one on one?  No, this is modeled in everyday life – at the table, in the car, during school time, during play time.  Just being home with my children provides ample situations for teaching and instructing them – making use of the situations as they arise!

So, we keep things as simple as possible, and I try to be available as much as possible for my kids – to answer questions, to teach them right and wrong, to comfort them when they are hurting.  I am not perfect, but with God’s help, it’s very doable!

Also, a biggy in large families, is the concept of training our older children to become good parents and spouses.  Having little ones to care for, under my authority and supervision, is an excellent way to accomplish this!  My older children have watched me parent and care for them, so they are taught to care for their siblings (with in reason of course) likewise!  This also meets the needs of my children, both young and old  Most families with 4 or fewer children, are usually all close in age, so they are all young adults at the same time.  This provides few opportunites to learn to care for babies and toddlers.  But in our family, all the kids learn to change diapers, feed a baby, sooth a crying toddler, potty train children, and so much more!

A really big thing that I see in large families is the concept of sharing the work load!  I for one, wasn’t forced to train my children to do chores until I had 5 children!  Through the years we’ve worked to teach the children to do things around the house that they are capable of.  This starts when they are toddlers – they are big kid helpers – they can also get diapers for momma, carry things, get things, and so forth.  Then when they turn 5 years old they start getting bigger jobs – like making their bed, tidying their bedroom,  setting the table, putting away a specific kind of toy (like wedgits or legos).  When they turn 7 they get “big kid jobs” – like tidying one room everyday with an older sibling, clearing the table, unloading the dishwasher.  When they turn 10 they learn to do their own laundry and begin to lean skills that will make them dependable for childcare once they reach the legal age for baby sitting (12 yo’s can care for chidren under the age of 6),  Lastly, when they are 13 they are old enough to be a team leader – we have teams for doing kitchen duties – a counter team, a table team, and a dishwasher team!  We also share meal preparation.  Starting as mom’s helperat age 8, they progress to making meals more on their own around age 10 – two meals a week for each child and the mom doesn’t have to cook unless she wants too! So when my children get married, all of them will be capable of doing all types of housework and cooking and baking!  This will make the transition to marriage so much easier than it is for most adults!

And finally, providing for their physical needs – food, clothing and shelter.  God is our provider, but He usually doesn’t provide well in advance. We’ve never had a savings account, and usually there’s a bit more month than money, but we’ve always had what we needed.  This might mean baking out own bread or living without some things to make ends meet, but this can be very good for our children – to make due with what you have and learn to be satisfied with it!

So, can I meet all the needs of my children when I have so many?  No!  But I can, with God’s help and the help of my family, friends, and church community, provide a loving environment that will, Lord willing, produce an adult well prepared to make a difference in their world!

This is a quiz for my fellow Christians:

1.  Does God love you?

2. Does God know what’s best for you?

3.  Are children a blessing?

4. Is God the giver of life?

If you have the same Bible that I do, and you believe it to be the infallible Word of God, then your answer should be “yes” too all four of those questions – each of these principles I believe are universally understood to be foundational Christian beliefs based on the truth as reveal in scripture.

I could quote scriptures with references to back up these questions/answers, but for now, I’ll let you look up the passages (it’s good practice) – but quickly:

1 – in John “God is Love”  and also God says “I have loved you with an everlasting love”,  and “nothing can separate us from the love of God

2 – “I know the plans I have for you, to bless you and not to harm you”….”all things work together for the good, for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes”

3 – “children are a gift from the Lord” “children are a heritage” “let the little children come to me”

4 – after the sudden death of all of Job’s children (and he had many of them),  he stated “the Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord” also in Psalms – “For you formed my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother’s womb.” And in so many places in scripture there are stories about God opening and closing a womb, as well as listing barrennes and firtility as a curse or as a blessing directly from God.

So, if these four things are true, please walk with me where they lead!

In summary, God loves me and works everything for my good, even trials and difficulties (see James 1).  God loves babies and children, and blesses His people with them.  God also is the giver of life, and He plans all our days before even one of them happens!

When taking these four truths, I come to the conclusion that babies are not something to be avoided or feared, but welcomed!  God doesn’t curse us with children (and many see children as a burden, inconvenience, financial liability and such), but blesses us with children!  What other blessing (wealth, spiritual gifts, etc) do we avoid or feel the need to “control” – “I have enough money, I can’t handle anymore…”  “I’ve got two cars – I can’t even take care of the ones I have” – I already have one spiritual gift, if I have more I won’t be able to do the one I have justice”…sounds silly doesn’t it??

So why do we as Christians buy into the world’s perspective on children?!  Even if you don’t come to the place where we are (completely leaving our family planning up to God),  I think all believers need to take a good look at their attitudes towards the children they have and future children God might bless them with, and prayerfully consider what God would have them do!

And here’s something to ponder…isn’t the heart of the abortion debate a matter of the heart?  Abortions are all about avoiding a difficult situation, not wanting the inconvenience of a baby, fearing the hassle/expense of raising a child?  Do we harbor these same ideas when we choose to use birth control?  All through the Bible, God consistently shows us that He wants our hearts to be right.  Outward appearances and behaviors are secondary to a heart that loves God.  When you choose to use birth control, is it a decision made with a heart for the Lord, or are you making your choice for the same reasons others choose abortion?  Something to think about!